She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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