make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize