Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
