Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize