So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
