Already got asked if we're dating
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
