i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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