Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
