Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
