I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
