Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
