Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
