I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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