I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
