I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
