he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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