She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
