Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize