I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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