so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
