Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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