I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
