Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
