He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
