there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
