I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
