someone threw a dead crab at me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
jump out the window naked night went bad
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