I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
