So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
