so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm getting married
To pizza
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
