fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
