Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
