yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
