Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
