I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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