Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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