sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
