I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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