Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
