I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
that is very illegal...i love you.
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