You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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