A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how drunk are you?
Several
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
