I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
