counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
