my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
