I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
