toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
