I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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