My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
