On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize