The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
