you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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