I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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