either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
