I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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