I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize