If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
