I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
