i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
