dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
