This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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