Do you still have your period?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize