So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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