You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she peed on how many people?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
