Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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