Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize