Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
