Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
