Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we're making bets on your personal life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize