You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
