why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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