I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
