at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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