what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
