I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
