I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
