I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
