when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Couch. On fire.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
