And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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